“It began with gentle interference but, over time, became more serious and specific. He told me that if I ever told anyone we would both go to prison. It went on for about three years, until shortly after my dad died. “During my teens there was a deep and profound sadness that I couldn’t shake, so I drank a lot and took drugs. I carried self-loathing, humiliation, fear and shame. When I was 18 my mum brought me to a psychiatrist. When I told her what had happened she thought I was confused. “Now I have a good relationship with my mum, but during my 20s she seemed to downplay it. I think people need to find the language to talk, at home and in schools, about good and bad intimacy. A family member who abuses is always a family member, and how does the family cope with that?” “There’s a lot of focus on priests, rightfully: the abuse and the cover-up were despicable. In many cases, James says, nobody wants to ruin the family image. It creates a perpetual anxiety for the survivor which is hard to put to rest.” “It’s hard for the survivor, for the other siblings, for the extended family.
![french movie brothers gay xhamster french movie brothers gay xhamster](https://static.standard.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2012/01/03/09/hfromstepsPA_243x320.jpg)
James’s case highlights some stark facts that are not always understood about child abuse.
![french movie brothers gay xhamster french movie brothers gay xhamster](http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/journalstar.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/8/a0/8a0c0604-7782-5284-b38a-c7131e7239b3/53bdaa73cc891.preview-699.jpg)
Most abuse is carried out by family members or people known to the victim. Our current image of child sex abusers in Ireland, and our approach to them, may be putting young people at risk. If we are to keep children safe we may have to gain a new understanding of the problem and make some unpalatable changes to the way we deal with it. Sophie was four when her stepfather, Gerard, started to sexually abuse her. “I remember Gerard always wore these cowboy boots, and my little heart would beat faster when I’d hear him coming down to my room,” she says. “I’d hope and pray that he wouldn’t come in and pull the blankets back. He controlled my every move and everything my mum did.
![french movie brothers gay xhamster french movie brothers gay xhamster](https://biogossipy.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/vw.jpg)
He also sexually abused my half-sister, his own biological child.” There was further abuse in Sophie’s family.
![french movie brothers gay xhamster french movie brothers gay xhamster](http://cdn.images.dailystar.co.uk/dynamic/47/photos/776000/The-housemates-have-no-shame-612776.jpg)
Her biological father was taken away when she was three because he had sexually abused another sister, Rose, although he never harmed Sophie. Sophie’s mother, herself a victim of abuse, had proven incapable of protecting her children. Now in her early 30s, Sophie spent years in therapy, earned a PhD in counselling psychology and went on to work with other survivors of abuse. Today Sophie has a difficult message about how we deal with child abuse. Few would disagree with some of her advice. We need to listen to and educate children, she says. We need to create stabler and healthier homes and work on better mental-health awareness and sex education.īut Sophie also believes that we need to provide therapy to abusers before they abuse, therapy that might stop them from hurting children like her in the first place.